This blog post was supposed to be published sometime last year, but I decided against it for the simple fact that I didn’t feel like I had said enough about it. Depression isn’t something that can truly be put into words. In order to really understand it, you have to feel it. I ended up wiping everything previously written, simply because it’s been said before and it will be said again. I wanted to start fresh with a new idea. One that I feel really needs to be expressed. What hurts more than the depression itself? I would say trying to “be happy” while you’re in the deepest parts of your blackness. That seems to be torture at its finest. We rise up and try to meet the light after each morning, day, or night. Whether we find it is all determined by how hard we tried. Sometimes that “try” isn’t as hard as we want it to be. We push and we pull and yet…it’s just not enough. It’s taken me a long time to really come to terms with the fact that if I don’t find the light every now and then, it’s okay.
If you’re experiencing depression or have been through a trying time where it brought you down, then you know what I’m talking about. It’s those nasty, terrible days that just drag. You have those awful thoughts that keep popping up in your head and as much as you fight them, you start to wonder if their right. Sometimes you even believe them to be true.
But we are strong. We keep going and remind ourselves that the truth is much more inspiring. What we think of ourselves matters a great deal when it comes to the grand scheme. How we love ourselves, if only just a little more each day, is really what counts. It doesn’t matter what amount of progress you’re making with your depression. As long as you’re moving forward, even just inch by inch, you already have what it takes to make it through.
Like I said at the beginning of the post…this was going to be much longer than what I normally write…but I decided that pouring it all right from the heart instead of building it up statistically was the best way to show the world that making it through the day can sometimes be a step by step process. But we make it through, and that’s what matters.
You matter. Love yourself. Love who you are, even the darkened pieces of your essence. Life is up and down, so don’t worry about that straight line. Have faith…and you will make it through. Blessed Be.