Emotional level: 6

Mental level: 5

TODAY I LEARNED: India has a Bill of Rights for cows.

I’m sick.

For 4 days, it’s been nothing but mucus and I am SO ready to be better. It’s interesting how sickness makes you think differently. It makes you see things in a different light. It changes your mind in strange little ways.

Another horrible thing it does is tinge your anxiety and depression. I’m lucky in the sense that this time, I didn’t really get kicked by either one. By some miracle, my anxiety and depression haven’t been horribly rampant while I’ve been sick.

But any normal occurrence of sickness would often suggest otherwise. When it does happen, it’s even harder to pull yourself back up or march through an anxiety attack.

When this happens, I have to really lay on the positive affirmations in the morning and right before I go to bed.

Truly all that you can do is continue your usual routine in facing anxiety and depression. If you’re sick, it’s going to be harder, but try to remember that it won’t last forever. Sickness is something you will get over with time and self care. So press on, and keeping fighting.

It’s raining lightly right now. It reminds me of snow as I watch it in the street lights. The falling drops make me long for a snowy Christmas.

I haven’t asked myself how I feel in awhile so…how do I feel?

Honestly, I’m scared but hopeful. I’m tired, weak, and ready for a good night’s sleep. There are a lot of bad feelings and thoughts that can circle around, but I haven’t let them. I’m sure that’s a combination of being too tired and overwhelmed, but I’ve been pushing forward.

I had a dream the other night that people from my past decided to show up in my life again. Well they tried. But I won’t be having any of that. I put all of them in the back for a reason. They’re lessons and nothing more.

As for those I have now, I will say I am thankful…so so thankful to have you in my life.

This year has been a hard road. Loved ones have died, people have left and betrayed others. People have also forgotten.

It’s easy to do that when you don’t care about someone. But is it a question of perspective? People are doing these things every day. What makes them special? It’s the simple fact that you experience it. It’s special to you because it’s happening to you.

It’s hard for us as humans to be selfless sometimes. To get out of our own heads means to be selfless. We try to think about others and we do our best, but we are only human. Sometimes we fail…yet other times we succeed brilliantly.

I aim for the year of 2020 to be about succeeding and being the best person I can be. To go farther than I have before and really go places. To be free.

Blessed Be )O(