Half My Day Was Shit

TODAY I LEARNED: The oldest known Valentine’s Day card is on display at the British Museum in London and was sent in the 1700’s.

Have you ever wondered why it seems like life is sometimes pumping out shit after shit? Me too. In fact…I was wondering precisely the same thing just a few hours ago.

Fast forward to the present moment and I’m feeling multiple levels of clarity. It’s currently 2:09am, technically it’s the 15th, but it still feels like the 14th…if that even makes sense.

But enough technicality. I want to get down to the nitty gritty. The brass tacks. The bare bones. I feel as though I’ve peeled away the parts of me that are…well, not actually a part of me. Sometimes those pesky energies you pick up along this ride of life can seem like yours. In reality, they’re simply hitchhikers just waiting to be ripped off like a Band-Aid. Unlike the quick relief from pain, however, these energies are not easily dissuaded.

Simply put, you learn to love yourself again. Do you remember? Like you did when you were a kid? Love came so easy back then…even when it was hard to come by. Loving yourself was easy…until it wasn’t. That seems to be when life really changes and you start to see the ugly bits. Love starts to seem like something else. Your mind gets mucky with doubt and above all else, fear.

Fear seeps into the cracks, filling up places you never imagined, creating this twisted version of yourself that’s quickly unrecognizable. It makes you want to run and hide, forget about the problems it helped create. It’s damn irony, truly. But, good news, I feel like I’m finally mending that bit of myself. More than I ever have. I’m on the right path.

So, what do you do when a shit day squats in your face? Take it? A part of me would say you approach it gently. The other side says to face it head on, no matter how bad it stinks. I usually settle on a space somewhere in between, pushing through the parts that need a little shove, and handling the rest with a sense of graciousness. It’s easier to do when the small things are going awry, but when the big things are unpleasant…things take a bit more patience. I consider myself a patient person, but just like anyone else, I have my limits.

Today, those limits were tested, heavily. I worked through it…until I simply couldn’t. I heard a quote from someone wise in life. “If you go out, and it’s all going to shit, say fuck it. Go back home.” This quote really has some weight to it. If you’re constantly running into issues and it’s just getting worse, just go home (if you can.) Try again tomorrow and try try try. It’s the best solution and it’s exactly what I did. I took the time I needed for myself. After some meditation, self reflection, and inner trauma work, I realized something.

I needed to mend a part of myself, something that needed today’s attention. The more I tried to fight that, the worse things became. Surrendering to your own flow is the answer.

That can look like a lot of things, but for me, in that single moment, it meant revisiting old, tucked away memories, left over for later use. I’ve told myself over and over not to do it. It’s a bad habit to break. I dealt with the memories, aligned them to where they should be and then let them go. Not to forget, but to let go of the energy of that memory weighing me down.

I’m taking a deep breath now…letting go again. People tend to thing that letting go only happens once. But you let go many, many times. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over, and that’s completely normal and okay. It took me a long while to accept that as well.

Now that I’ve come back to center and found my balance, I feel better.

If you’re reading this, please know you’re worth it. You hold an infinite soul with a life full of possibilities. Bring that magic out of the closet, put some of that pixie dust on your daily life. Believe in yourself again. Believe in magic again.

Love and light to you and yours. Blessed be.

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