Oddly Me

Emotional state: depressed

Mental state: I’m doing okay

The emotional and mental part was hard to write today because I’m not entirely sure how to put it in words. If I tried to describe what I feel, you would probably be reading this for two days, no joke. Instead I will try to summarize and hope that somehow it makes sense.

We’re all living in reality. Well…most of us are. Reality can be this terrifying thing that shatters your hopes for the world and readjusts the way you see things. That’s when you start to see the flaws and the fakes. We’re all guilty of it. Putting on a smile when really, that’s not what we feel inside at all. They tell you to cover up the pain with a smile and everything will be alright, but we all know it’s never that simple. We always try our best and sometimes that means faking it and putting on a smile because that’s all we can do. I completely understand that and I’m definitely not bashing anyone for doing so. Hell, I’ve had to do that so many times throughout my life. If I had a dime…but the bad feelings always find their way back to the surface. That dam of “smiles” you’ve built up somehow always ends up bursting.

One of the hardest things to do is to put on a smile when you’re not feeling it. You never want to do it too long or you will start to go numb and that’s what scares me. Realizing that you could push your feelings so far down that you can’t feel anything at all. It sounds wonderful to some…but the result isn’t as sweet. If you’re feelings are pressed down, you aren’t feeling them like you should. In order to get over something, we need to feel it, be with it for awhile and then, when the time is right, let it go or let it fade.

This is what I have to do with my depression. When I start to doubt everything in life, I try to remember three things:

No matter what, keep going.

Self-love is ideal and entirely okay.

Nothing lasts forever; not even the bad stuff.

Blessed Be )O(