Emotional level: 5

Mental level: 5

TODAY I LEARNED: In 2005, a fortune cookie company called Wonton Food Inc. correctly foretold lottery numbers, resulting in 110 winners and an investigation. No fraud was involved.

Today I am conflicted. I am torn between two life changing decisions. The result of my choice will forever transform my future…and I’m scared. There is a part of me that despises this kind of choice, but the other part of me is thankful that we possess the ability to choose.

Lots of people around the world don’t get the chance to choose. Decisions that should be personal are made for them and we take that for granted. These people live in fear, one that I can’t understand.

But when it comes to my fears what do I really have to be scared of? Why am I so fearful of change at any point in my life? Maybe it’s because I fear the unknown and I’d rather not admit that. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that many changes in my life have been the result of horrible circumstances.

Or maybe I just want things to stay the same.

I don’t want everything to always be exactly frozen in time. I like a bit of change now and again…but I don’t like when my entire world gets turned upside down. I don’t like when I know the results of my decisions will change the course of my destiny.

And while that may sound wily and dramatic, destiny is no joke, if you believe in that sort of thing.

I can’t spend a day in my life without thinking maybe it was “meant to be.” Is that sad? I don’t know, but I don’t care. I can’t worry about what people think. I don’t have time for that. I can’t expect people to understand, and I don’t. If you get it, that’s wonderful…and if you don’t, then move on, there’s nothing to see here and you won’t grasp what I’m trying to convey.

I need to live my life the way I envision it. I need to base my decisions on where my heart goes, because lately my head is landing me in very safe places. Safe is good…but not all the time.

Maybe I want to jump. I’ll take a leap of faith. I’ll take a chance and maybe, just maybe, I won’t land right on my face in a puddle of regret. They say we will never really know unless we try. That’s all we can do, every day of our lives is try. Sometimes that means trying your best, other times you simply do what you have to, to make it through the day.

As I’m writing this, I found a leaf under one of the Halloween decorations on my porch. It’s a red leaf…my favorite colored leaf. It’s almost as if nature gave a gift after a terrible storm. Almost like…it was meant to be.

Blessed Be )O(