Emotional level: 4
Mental level: 8
TODAY I LEARNED: McDonald’s once made bubblegum flavored broccoli.
As I sat in traffic moments ago, I looked to my left, lost in thought. I saw a beautiful stone lion, frozen in time. It’s very being is entirely solid and will most likely exist in its place long after many people are gone.
Is it weird to wonder if rocks are like us? Maybe they just move considerably slower. After all, time is relative. The world is a jumbled mess, I mean anything is possible.
What bothered me the most about this stone lion was how stuck he was. He’s heavy and strong, but set in place. You can’t really tell whether he is content or if he is suffering from an unimaginable length of nothing but sitting and staring. He sits there, simply existing and nothing more.
Is that what I’m doing in this town, just existing? Am I a stone?
What have I done with my life up to this point? Can I say that I’ve helped people? Sure. Is it possible that I’ve made a difference in people’s lives? I sincerely hope so.
Hope. That seems like a star just out of reach on days like this. Especially when things just aren’t going the way you need them to. When you’re stuck, it’s hard. I am stuck. I feel stuck.
I’m in place, there seems to be nowhere to go. I am a stone…and I don’t want to be. Today is day 3 of the self care routine and on most levels, I’m doing alright. But, even a consistent schedule can’t hold back depression.
It creeps up from beyond understanding, twisting and turning truth into something else. Not quite lies but something even more confusing.
Like I always say, I want to be free. I want away from these people…this place. I want to fly…will I?
As long as I hold onto hope, I will be okay. You can’t be a stone forever. Eventually you change. Eventually, things get better…right?
I unraveled today. No one would know…but it happened nonetheless.