Emotional level: 6

Mental level: 7

TODAY I LEARNED: A Belgian pigeon named Armando is worth $1.4 million.

 

I had a very bad day a few days ago. I was anxious before I went to sleep, anxious while I slept, and then even more anxious when I woke up. I had nightmares that truly haunted me. It made me want to hide and never come out.

Why? No reason. It just happens that way sometimes since I suffer from GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

It’s horrible. There are no words to explain how it feels and there’s no way to truly make someone understand it unless they experience it as well. Not to mention the agonizing nightmares that come along with it. Don’t even get me started on those.

So what have I done to make things better?

Nothing.

There is nothing I can do but ride it out and wait until it goes away. I can use little things to try and ease the symptoms, but the initial anguish must go away on its own and that’s the hard part. Waiting for something to pass through you isn’t fun.

Sometimes, when you’re playing the waiting game, it can make things worse. The anxiety goes up and down, teetering on the edge of, “Am I going to lose my mind?” but you won’t. Your body is sensing danger, even when there’s nothing wrong.

It makes you think you will go crazy or even die when anxiety is at its maximum. Those are not great thoughts and they don’t make you feel good either. They definitely don’t make me feel good.

But with that anxiety comes a heightened sense of awareness. Once you make it through the roughest patch of an anxiety attack or a terrible anxiety day, you start to realize that it can’t last forever.

While it’s happening in the moment, and your mind is racing with all sorts of terrible thoughts of doom and death, rest assured, it can’t last forever. It just can’t.

I think knowing that has helped me a great deal. When my anxiety attacks first started I had a rough time with it, but knowing that it is temporary and that it will come and go is a relief of sorts. I may still have to suffer from time to time, but at least it doesn’t happen to me 24/7.

And when I start to feel like there’s no end to the suffering, I can remember the truth. It may not stop it, but it helps and anything that can help you, even in the slightest bit, you should do. As long as you are not harming yourself or another, it’s good for you and you should keep doing it.

Blogging is something I picked up a few years ago, and writing my words out on a page helps me so much. Even if it’s just a little each day. I’m so thankful for those of you who read my blog and I know you will understand when I say, I don’t do it for views or money. I do it because it helps me and I hope it can help someone else to hear my stories and listen to what I’ve been through.

Maybe it can help someone come out of their shell or perhaps change their mindset about anxiety or depression.

Whatever the reasons may be, I’m thankful to have the means and the knowledge to do what I do.

Remember to love yourself. Drink plenty of water today!

Blessed Be )O(

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